Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I have fence marks all over my body
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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