Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
