got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
