My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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