he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
