mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
she woke up with a sticky ear
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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