please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
