i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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