Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
