I wanna passion pit in your ass
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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