and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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