I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
