she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
