You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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