I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Randomize
