just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
