Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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