i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Randomize
