somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
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