quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
