dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Randomize
