Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I will be naked everywhere
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
