found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
