I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
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