you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
