sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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