Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
