i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
