did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
