my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
