If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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