Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Randomize
