When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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