Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I want to fling myself into the sun
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
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