Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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