They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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