Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
