Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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