also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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