I need help removing her.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
3pm strippers are depressing
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
