Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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