Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
is wine microwaveable?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
