Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Randomize
