Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
Randomize
