I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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