You're so nebulous sometimes
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
