Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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