You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize
