i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Someone came in the potted fern
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
