i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
