I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Randomize
